Temporal Actuation

You know that part in suspense/horror movies where a character is zoomed in on, but their background is pulled away from? That is how this project feels.

The more I reach out for it, the further away it moves. One step forward, two steps back kind of thing. I just want to just into it and ignore the distractions. I want to just start the actual pages already and take the other things as they come.

As soon as I get this final 'costume' design done, that is just what I'll do. If anything else jumps in my way I'll just have to break them down. Don't have a secondary character design yet? Sketch it out real quick and move on. I think that's just what I'll do.

And as with any of my decisions, I have foreseen a problem. I drawn at work in between calls, but I'm not technically allowed. Pen and paper are sort of a 'no-no' when dealing with peoples credit card information. I have been given the green light to draw between midnight and 4 am. So this is how I have been doing my most recent pix. But if I want to move to a 'professional' comic book drawing layout I will need to figure something out. Smuggling in a sketchpad is easy. But toting a large drawing board that holds a standard comic book format 11" x 17" piece of paper/poster board would prove difficult.

It is possible that I could smuggle it in on my lunch at 11;30pm but that would mean sneaking it out early at 2am. Hm. An interesting idea... then I could work on the more mundane sketches after then. I either case I will have to cancel the online distractions I have (MMO's & OCCG's) just so that I can actually get some work done at home.

I think I'm going to buy the tools I need this next paycheck and give it a try.

It was also suggested that I create it on the computer. I pretty nice idea, but my tablet skills are not that good. The computer is set to take the place of my inker, letterer, and colorist. Which leaves me with the pencils, scripts, and editorial duties. Maybe if I had a Wacom tablet monitor I would sing a different tune. But seeing as how they run more than I make in a paycheck, it will just have to wait.

Unless someone would like to sponsor this endeavor =]

The Banality of Design

Update: It's awesome to get the finger from someone you ask to take a look at your work. It definitely let me know exactly what they felt. I post updates on Facebook as you may already be aware. Some people check it out, some people don't. Some who check it out, give feedback. Others do not. But to get the finger is something new. Not only did they not care to look this over, but made the extra effort to let me know. I guess I missed the mark on that person.

Oh well. It just goes to show that I never meant that much to them.

Anyways. Design is the least artistic art form. Of all the arts, it is the most directly affected by it's consumer/buyer. I mean, sure, a designer can add design elements to better appeal to the public eye. But, if their contractor wants more glitter, you have to oblige if you expect your design to be purchased. You can't exactly sell a logo design to a company that does not bear the logo.

But, that is the sacrifice that is made for contract work. Mutually assured buyer for a mutually assured job performed.

I bring this up because of my most recent design board for Venge. It is so BORING! I want to finish it up quickly to move on to the next thing. I want to have something else to draw, to trade off. But everything that will come after, is reliant upon this new design. That, and I'm afraid that if I veer away from it, it will not get completed. I think I'm at the half way point...

Then it will be time to invest in materials and a place to do it in.

Man as God Pt. The Final

Magus Delahardy's story is the last one to showcase the supernatural creatures that will be present within the Venge storyline. Perhaps later, I will detail each of them in so much as an outline can afford.

Detailed below is, possibly, the hardest to write about. Not for the emotions involved, but for quite the opposite. Details about Magus in this story have to be broken down in an intellectual manor.

Of all the supernatural creatures in the Venge world, Magus are most believable. And, with them, is the only part of this story that follows my personal beliefs. ANYTHING is possible.

* * *

"Well," begins Gregor, "you have learned a bit about the history of our world, our reality, and my current subject for observation. It is about time for you to learn of your own subject."
"The man you have been assigned to has been of great interest to just about every supernatural entity that this world possesses. The Observate's are no different."

"We had a Seeker watching him, but he has not reported in recently and all traces of him have vanished. There is no trace of him save for our own, personal accounts. There is no trail for him at all, and even the Seeker's own parents don't remember him. It is as if he has been removed from reality and all existence."

"The name of that Seeker's target, and your new subject is, Edward Delahardy. And he is the only true Magus we have been able to locate."

"Some background about your subject: Magus Delahardy is a user of magics. And magic is not quite what you may take it to be. In fact, with magic, nothing is as it may seem. In it's rawest form, magic is reality control and shaping."

"God created man in his own image. Exactly. Every man has the ability to become 'god'. PCP induced invulnerability, mind over matter, and world records are just some examples of man's ability to break reality's rules. Every man has the ability to create their own reality."

"Each religion and each 'god' held power equal to the amount of people who worshipped it and them. Not just in the amount of clout that the organisation held. The more someone believes in something, or the more people who believe in it, the truer and more real it becomes. It is an unproven theory that science is in fact nothing more than a belief system. A very difficult to debunk belief system. Man knew the world was flat with earth at it's center."

"It takes the very determined and strong willed to be able to thrust their reality upon the common one. And this is the power of the Magus. This is also the reason angels fell to Lilith's ways during the sundering. God bestowed upon man everything he was/is. God created man like himself but created Angels to be servants."

"It is man's ability to create their own reality but their desire to conform to each other that causes reality to be so static now. It would incredibly difficult for a man to fly, nowadays, unless he possessed a strong enough will, or enough strong willed people who truly believed it. This again is the power of the Magus. Doubt is the Magus's worst enemy. Both in themselves, and in the general populace. But, a true Magus has no doubts about the true nature of our malleable reality."

"Magus use several tools to be able to perform their craft. Being able to explain it away or hide the actual reality shifting are just a couple of their tricks. But, the true power in the Magus are their understanding that nothing is real and everything is possible."

"Even as I tell you this, I find it more difficult to grasp than even the true tale of God. But ours is not to question, but to witness and recite. Edwards previous Observate Seeker was a very experienced one. The fact that you are new but quite skilled gives us hope that you will better be able to perform the task."

"His last known whereabouts find him dockside near port 67. Go and find him. You will need every tool we have provided you as well as every ounce of your training with us to perform your job. And, that is precisely why we chose someone of your abilities."

"You may contact me anytime you feel the need... and do be careful."

Man as God Pt. 2

Ok, so I found someone that I feel very strongly towards, and who feels as strongly towards me. Does this mean Venge is going to be a happy, tree hugging, hippy story now? Quite the contrary. At the center of the story is Venge's desire to reconnect will the truest love in all of human existence (even if it was spurned on by the Primordial Entities). Being able to explore those emotions with someone has proved nothing but beneficial.

I can relate more closely to Venge. I can imagine the pain and suffering that comes with being denied those emotions. I can understand the euphoria that washes over him in the fleeting moments when she comes to him to claim a soul. And then to imagine all those feelings getting stripped away in an instant?

So, is this 'certain someone' some sick, artistic, emotional experimentation to achieve a means? Anyone who knows me, even a little, would let you know that I am not capable of any form of this sociopathic behavior. But, it is the artist who applies the emotions and passions to their canvas like paint.

At first, I had fears of being with someone again. I was afraid that, amongst other things, Venge would get left behind. I owe it to everyone who ever had faith in me and this story. I owe it to my family. I owe it to my friends. I owe it to myself. I can't let that happen... and she won't let me.

On a side note, the previous post (Man as God) is a mess. But, I shall leave it in it's current state to further reflect the raw nature of these blog entries. I have already made note of changes needed with the other blog posts, but those shall be left also. At the very least, I have been able to determine a better way to write them in addition to certain plot devices that will be modified in the final draft.

Darn it. I really want to get to Magus Delahardy's story (which I intended to write in the other post and then again in this one), but it looks like that will have to wait for yet another post.

Man as God

Finding out that you are very different can be tough. Being reminded of it can be even tougher. And learning to deal with it is impossible. You cannot deal with it. You will either change to conform to someone else (or the generalised populace), or you accept yourself and tackle everything else that comes with it.

I have fluctuated between those two points at frequent intervals in my life. Picked on in school. Bullying in school. Molding into someone else to be accepted by them in relationships. Until I can finally, and faithfully, be everything I have made of myself. Everything that I am is everything that I took from everything in my past. I can honestly say, I am happy with what I have become and I do not care if it is anything that anyone else wants from me.

I'm not cocky. I have just finally accepted what I am. No need to try to be anything else. Luckily I found someone who agrees with me. With her, I don't feel that I have to be something else. I don't fear letting her know everything about me. I am not ashamed of being me. For once in my freaking life... I can be me.

* * *

"Well," Begins Gregor, "You have learned a bit about the history of our world, our reality, and my current target. It is about time for you to learn of yours."

"The man you are being assigned to his been of great interest to the Observates as well as just about every supernatural entity that this world possesses. And we did have a Seeker watching him. We even have record of the person we sent, but all traces of them have vanished. There is no paper trail for him at all, and the Seeker's parents don't remember him."

"The name of the man you have been assigned to is, Edward Delahardy. And he is the only true Magus we have been able to locate."
"This is his last known whereabouts," He says, handing you a slip of paper.

"Contact me anytime you feel the need... and do be careful."

* * *

(TBC)

Taller Ladders/Shorter Heights

Have you ever had so much in your arms and go charging up a ladder, only to misjudge the amount of steps it has? I hope you never do. The result is utter disaster and pain. Momentum carries you higher, while gravity pulls you down. Your foot attempts to rest on the next step, that is not there. You come crashing down to the ground in extreme pain, and whatever you were carrying is thrown aside for personal security.

I have had that happen to me literally. And today, it happened to me figuratively.

Six months. I was half a year away from being the first person in my family to have achieved a higher education. Six lousy months from being able to fully realise a personal goal of being a professional artist.

Nearly every person who attends a college or university is on borrowed funds. I was and still am, one of those people. But, I could never pay them back. I was waiting for my career to begin to pay for itself. So those funds have defaulted. I must pay them in order to borrow anymore. I don't blame them. It is only sound business... from an establishment that GIVES money away to failing businesses.

I do not know if I will ever be able to pay them off, let alone be able to pay for a higher education. I should have known this would happen. It is almost Karmic. Actually, it is exactly Karmic. The more I achieve, the more I lose. I better I feel about my life, the worse it gets. If I brag, I fail.

Sure, all is not lost. This only a setback. There are options.

But, not right now.

And not soon.

Right now, I hurt and I cast aside the things I was carrying for my own security.

Lost in the Details

Being OCD about things being organised and always having new ideas have combined with being a perfectionist in my own work to cause me great delays.

Organisation: A process in which I create a schedule and a process to complete any task. Step by step I create and execute a plan and move to the next. Plan and execute. Plan and execute. Interruptions in the process can be attained by inserting another step that must first be evaluated for its effectiveness and then implemented. This can create a situation in which previous execution must also be evaluated and reimplemented.

Creative: The ability of my overactive mind to storm off into a wide array of tangents. Each one, in and of itself, having to possibility to storm off into their own tangents. Most often the greatest creative processes stem from sensory stimulation. A taste, smell, touch, sound, sight, or feeling. Most often the later. Somethings triggers an onslaught of tangenting ideas with the most powerful or 'coolest' creating the largest impact.

Perfection: An acceptance that nothing that I can or will ever do/create will meet its full potential. An understanding that everything can always be so much better. This further leads to improving upon everything I do. A better story, a better character, a better way. Nothing will ever be complete. And nothing will ever be as good as it can be. But damned if I don't get as close as I possibly can.

A majority of inspiration is actually just an improved upon idea. I wanted to draw Venge as Darren Duvoss in a straitjacket before he became a 'hero'. A desire to create an accurate straitjacket needed researching. Researching it became a realisation of similarities with other elements. These similarities became and idea. This idea became a reevaluation.

This reevaluation has become a confliction of desired elements and logical inclusion. A man with blades on his arms must be able to use his arms. To have the blades cut through the jacket creates an unnecessary distraction of design elements. Why have frayed jacket sleeves present if they are just going to be frayed tatters? How to combine jacket that fastens in the back with one that fastens over a breast? How to make it efficiently look like both a straitjacket AND a fencing jacket? Oh and lest we forget to incorporation of the reaper element?

Six of one... half-dozen of the other.

Step by step examples of this process was an interesting idea, but failed in its execution. 1) Sketches too light to scan, graphically enhance, and repost for clarity. 2) Whole images erased in their entirety, abandoned, and have no bearing on the outcome. 3) Doubt

Commitment

It is completed. The last image I wanted to convey before charging forward into creating the actual book. So here it is:

Original drawing was created with a 7H drawing pencil but would not scan. Went over it again with a mechanical pencil. Could have inked it just as easily except that I am not as confident with the permanence of ink. So then, I scanned it in and modified the image with darkness and gamma. I then used some minor tweaks to remove the color and maximise the dark values.

While researching what a straitjacket would look like, I came across images of fencing tunics. I noticed that they looked very similar which prompted me to reconsider Venge's 'costume'. Since he is a swordsman and is constantly teetering on the edge of sanity, I figured this would be great concepts to incorporate into his outfit.

I am going to explore various ways in which I could add these qualities into a new outfit for him. I want to do this now, before I start cranking out pages, rather than 13 issues later when his 'persona' has already become established.

It is only a slight sidetrack, but one that may take a few weeks to recover from. I plan to draw up some sketches until I can find something that fits. After that, I will probably create a new detail board of his 'costume' details. These design board are a reference source from which I can look back to to make sure that I am not leaving out any details (such as the ribbons that keep his mask on, accidentally excluded from some recent drawings).

I think it would also be interesting to post step-by-step pictures of this process...

Interpreter

-I have been able to discover the benefits of having another artistic eye look at my work. I realised this last night/early this morning. They could look at my work before it is finish and give me feedback, even if I do not ask for it. In fact I usually don't ask for feedback, not unless I doubt what I am creating (as with my writing in these blogs). But, the fact that they can look at my creation, see what I am trying to convey, and let me know how to best achieve that, has been a great help.

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-It has only recently become possible for me to benefit from this type of help. The primary reason is that I am more confident in my abilities and my determination. I am able to accept criticism and apply that to what I am doing without taking it personally. Additionally, I am finding it easier to change what I am doing and work towards a different picture.

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-If I experienced an extended break between drawings, I would come back to look at my old creations and just be marveled. I would think to myself, 'Holy crud! I did this?'. I was so amazed at what I could create that I would fear making changes to them. I was so afraid of losing the drive and ambition. I was afraid of erasing something and not being able to recreate it. Now I look back at them and can see what I would change to improve them. I don't make the changes so that they may serve as a reminder of my achievements and things that I should be mindful of in my future creations.

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-Because of my increased confidence, I can accept commentary from my peers. My friend can use their artistic eye, understand what I am trying to create, and let me know where I fall short. It is a personal blow to be told that you are not able to do something that you feel strongly about. But, it is an even greater defeat when you find out that you failed to do so all together. When she tells me I need to change something, I look at it and usually agree. Or, at the very least, I can see if what I am trying to create is not accurately represented in my drawing. If she can't see it, or if she can see it better a different way, then I recreate it.

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-I am honored to have an artistic and critical eye looking down on my works, in progress, and let me know the truth. One of these 'learning to draw' books stated that if you wanted to get an honest opinion about your work, do not ask your mom or girlfriend as they will love everything you do... even if it sucks.

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-As for the piece that I had completed and ready for graphic overhauls? It turns out that the 7H drawing pencil was way too light for the scanner to pick up. Darkness/gamma corrections did nothing to improve it. I stuck it back on the drawing board to darken it in. And important step for me, as it has provided me an opportunity to look at me drawing in a different light. I can see what I was trying to create and determine how I wish to recreate it. I have a chance to create it again without erasing the whole image.

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-And, during this darkening, it was made aware of a fault in the drawing. I got confirmation that what I was wanting to create was understood but portrayed poorly. OK, that's a bit harsh. She let me know that she knew what I was trying to create and helped me to figure out a way to create it better.

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-I was good to have that certain someone who could understand what I wanted in my art, and help me achieve it. I will miss that.