I hate sleeping. Ok, I don't hate sleeping, I just hate being unconscious during it. I crawl into bed (if I'm lucky) and pray for a nightmare. That's right, the most peaceful and relaxing time in our lives and I pray for nightmares. Add that to the list of things that I do beyond the norm.
"Why?", you may be asking? Oblivion. Sleep is the 3-9 hours that I do not exist. I hate that (and I don't hate much of anything). If I were to die (and there is an afterlife) I would be overjoyed. Even if the place I went to was hell. For even in that hell I would know that I still exist. I still am. But, I believe a much worse fate lies in store for me.
Without getting to much into my beliefs, I will explain. True hell for me would be nothing. Oblivion. Limbo. Not the dark places of myth. Actual, absolute nothingness. A ceasing of existence. Terrifying. I would be happy tortured in hell rather than just shutting off the lights on myself.
And sleeping is a small piece of my personal hell. Absolute oblivion that I try to avoid. I postpone it until the desire to sleep overrides the fear of doing so. And so I pray for nightmares. Those subconscious fears jolt me awake and let me know that, since I did dream, I had existed during sleep. I think therefore I am. I dream therefore I will be.
So why don't I just pray for 'sweet dreams'? Rare are the times that I have had such a good dream that it woke me. I think I may have dreamed...
Venge doesn't get to sleep. He is lucky. But he's nuts too. I don't have that luxury. I have few dreams and I dare not invite them into the times I sleep. That is where the nightmares are.
OMG! I totally fell asleep while writing this! That there is some sort of universal justice.
"Why?", you may be asking? Oblivion. Sleep is the 3-9 hours that I do not exist. I hate that (and I don't hate much of anything). If I were to die (and there is an afterlife) I would be overjoyed. Even if the place I went to was hell. For even in that hell I would know that I still exist. I still am. But, I believe a much worse fate lies in store for me.
Without getting to much into my beliefs, I will explain. True hell for me would be nothing. Oblivion. Limbo. Not the dark places of myth. Actual, absolute nothingness. A ceasing of existence. Terrifying. I would be happy tortured in hell rather than just shutting off the lights on myself.
And sleeping is a small piece of my personal hell. Absolute oblivion that I try to avoid. I postpone it until the desire to sleep overrides the fear of doing so. And so I pray for nightmares. Those subconscious fears jolt me awake and let me know that, since I did dream, I had existed during sleep. I think therefore I am. I dream therefore I will be.
So why don't I just pray for 'sweet dreams'? Rare are the times that I have had such a good dream that it woke me. I think I may have dreamed...
Venge doesn't get to sleep. He is lucky. But he's nuts too. I don't have that luxury. I have few dreams and I dare not invite them into the times I sleep. That is where the nightmares are.
OMG! I totally fell asleep while writing this! That there is some sort of universal justice.
