I should never had pursued her. I told myself that I could not. Yet the creeping loneliness reached up from the recesses and touched hope. I know now to bury it deeper.
"I just want to be friends" means exactly that. That there is no attraction. And then loneliness touches it and asks, "But maybe someday." And then the brain hears that and asks, "Why not now? What is going to change?" And then the heart runs with it.
Then you are left trying to be something else. Something that can be a friend while trying to form a stronger connection. You should not have to try. I should not have to try.
But here I am. Talking to myself because there is no one else to hear me. Why does that matter? I can already play their words in my head. "Don't worry, mate, you'll find someone.", "What are you complaining about? You already found your true love", "She wasn't good for you anyway." Why do I have to hear it from someone else? It's not like I would give those words any more weight. I have no way of knowing if they are just saying such things to make me feel better, or if they really mean them. A friend should never lie to you, but a friend also tries to make you feel better. But I guess a friend would make you feel better by telling you the truth.
*sigh*
Women
