Have you ever had so much in your arms and go charging up a ladder, only to misjudge the amount of steps it has? I hope you never do. The result is utter disaster and pain. Momentum carries you higher, while gravity pulls you down. Your foot attempts to rest on the next step, that is not there. You come crashing down to the ground in extreme pain, and whatever you were carrying is thrown aside for personal security.
I have had that happen to me literally. And today, it happened to me figuratively.
Six months. I was half a year away from being the first person in my family to have achieved a higher education. Six lousy months from being able to fully realise a personal goal of being a professional artist.
Nearly every person who attends a college or university is on borrowed funds. I was and still am, one of those people. But, I could never pay them back. I was waiting for my career to begin to pay for itself. So those funds have defaulted. I must pay them in order to borrow anymore. I don't blame them. It is only sound business... from an establishment that GIVES money away to failing businesses.
I do not know if I will ever be able to pay them off, let alone be able to pay for a higher education. I should have known this would happen. It is almost Karmic. Actually, it is exactly Karmic. The more I achieve, the more I lose. I better I feel about my life, the worse it gets. If I brag, I fail.
Sure, all is not lost. This only a setback. There are options.
But, not right now.
And not soon.
Right now, I hurt and I cast aside the things I was carrying for my own security.
All is not lost. There are always options.
ReplyDeleteIt would probably be cheaper to save up the money for the last six months of school than it would be to pay off the debt. I knew guys in college that worked two jobs sleeping 3-4 hours a day to put themselves through school. All to avoid living with the parents. That was when I wasn't even 20 though. We is old people Dave, probably not practical.
There's got to be grants and stuff too. I'll do a little research and see if I can find anything.
Yeah, well, the FAFSA report said I was eligible for $5,500 in the Pell grant alone. I don't imaginge Stevens-Heneger College would charge much more than that for half a years tuition...
ReplyDeleteBut it also stated that the loan must be brought out of default before ANY financial assistance could be provided. So, I just don't know right now.
As for saving up? I have already been living in this house for 3 years more than anyone anticipated. I have child support payments that are so heavily charged each month that the fees placed are greater than the amount I pay, thus increasing the amount I owe and never catching me up. Oh yeah, a man's got to eat too... and there are only so many ways to dress up Ramen before it gets old.
I'll figure something out. Or, as more often happens in my life, I will luck into something else.
We'll just chalk this up to more emotional fuel for the creative ambitious fires of this project.
I have been woken from this dream... but I gotta sleep sometime =]
I have the same problem. I have been getting personal assistance for college, and just as it sorta pays off, the economy fails to get better.
ReplyDelete