I am surprised that I can even come to a decision sometimes. So often I try see something from all possible angles. I am passionate about a very select amount of things. I would give my all to them. Everything else is pondered to death.
Such as when determining the things I should say or how I should feel. Nearly sociopathic, I sometimes bury my emotions until I can assess what spawned the emotion and what a reasonable response to it might be. I bottle most of it up. And by the time I can come up with a response, the moment is gone and I still hold onto the emotion with no outlet for it.
And then there are conversations. A moment where I do not have the time or luxury of waiting. I am instantly required to be everything that I have established of myself. I am expected to be witty and possibly even charming. Instantly. So, as fast as my brain can, I find myself working through possible responses and their possible reactions. And with each possible response comes the image of self. What am I trying to say? What will they think I am trying to say?
