While reading this first chapter, I have determined that it is pretty good. Kind of. I have noticed some distinct grammatical errors. I even noticed a serious change of perspective tense. I can't believe I made such a rookie move as changing from past-tense to present-tense in the middle of a chapter. These things an editor would surely notice and have me change, so it isn't all that bad.
No, the worst part is pacing. This is a much slower start than should be expected in a graphic novel. Most manga, comic books, and graphic novels fix this by starting out with a big action scene. Usually they just elude to the story, resolve the action sequence, then explain things afterward.
I have found that this gives the reader instant gratification but also lends to a false sense that these sort of sequences will be expected. This is not the way I would like to run things.
This story is planned to be sort of supernatural, psychological love story. About half the story will played out in words and the rest in actions. If someone picked up this graphical novel and read the first chapter, there is a good chance that they would be putting it down again.
The easiest cure would be to just throw an action sequence at the beginning, such as the vampire mafia Don fight that I wrote last year. But, I feel doing so would just be irresponsible and even more of a rookie maneuver.
Ah, if only a writer had dreamed this up. I could be watching the movie of it by now...
* * *
_Deitrich, flat on his back and arms flailed to either side, ran the name around in his mind. Venge. Venge. I know I should know this. Vengeance? Revenge? Avenge? Unbeknown to him, his hands were drawing a connection for the mask of Venge.
_Karen's thoughts broke through his own, "While this trip down memory lane is... " she feints a yawn, "engrossing, you are no closer to discovering the cause of your current condition."
_Distracted, his hands stop their dance of creation. The dark sand resettles and erases woman's face drawn there. Deitrich rolls his head to the side and looks up at Karen. He raises himself up to a sitting position and settles his elbows on his knees with his hand hanging loosely between them.
_"What would you have me do then, ferryman?" Deitrich pleaded, "I am recalling the best I can."
_Shaking her head sadly, she pulls her steering pole up from the water and cradles it in her arms. Her left arm swings to the side and grabs the lower shaft of it. Her right arm, still cradling the pole, grasps it. She raises it to shoulder level, the lantern swinging behind her, and leans her head over to peer down the length of it with her right eye.
_"Perhaps this will help you remember," she says as she points the bottom of the pole at Deitrich forehead. She jerks the bottom of the pole skyward and a gunshot is heard resounding from each of the cavern walls.
