It is cliche. Venge has become me. Or I have become Venge. I'm not exactly clear which happened first. Venge is the amalgam of many different ideas and plots. He is the culmination of everything I would like to see/read in a story. I suppose it was inevitable that he would become the tragic hero I had so much envisioned myself as. How big of me to envision myself as anything closely resembling a hero. Perhaps Venge can be the hero I cannot. And, in turn, I can vicariously experience the awe and acclaim of heroism with him. So many authors experience a kind of 'one hit wonder' with books. Most likely due to this trait of writing about ourselves. Additionally Venge can be strong when I cannot. He can sacrifice when it would pain me. He can face the opposition when I would avoid it.
But Venge is empty. Nearly soulless. So much of his being is wrapped up in the exploits of another. Every ounce of his being is tied to a dream. A quest to complete until his final days. If he fails, everything before will be as for nothing. If he stops then he will not be able to return. I bet Venge hates me for not giving him more options. More leeway. A chance to rest. I know I hate me, no reason why he would not.
Venge has sacrificed himself to be able to love again. He could probably give up the ghost and have a normal life where he would be loved. He could be loved and love another right now, but he would never again get to experience the true love of before. He could love now and sacrifice later. But no, he would rather be tormented with voices, question his own sanity, and kill relentlessly all for a chance. What a terrible monster I have created. Sacrifice today... love tomorrow.
I will sacrifice loving right now for a chance to love more truthfully in the future.That's what I do. I sacrifice. All I have to give is myself. I like it that way. Take what you will of me, Venge. I cannot be strong for myself because I am strong for everyone else. You must all take from me my strength. That is what it is there for.
How can a man who does not love himself, love another? Where does a man get the strength? It's better if you do not know. But I can tell you that both are very possible, just watch.
I am sorry, Venge, that I had to be your creator. That you had to be created in my image is something I would never had wished on anyone. I still do not wish it on anyone.
Chalk this up to another Knightmare. Something else that I fear to do for my dream.
