Kara

What is this tragic pain that eats my self esteem?

Her name is/was Kara Briggs. She is my Muse as well as my Succubus and she is responsible for my one and only 'love at first sight' incident.

I was extremely young at the time and full of awe. I could not say that I knew what love was at the time, but I knew the power she had over me. I have said it before, and I have no problems saying it again: Never before had I seen anything like her, and I have yet to do so again. I was compelled. Back in those days, I was a confident ladies man, if you will. But, with Kara, I was weak and powerless. I was afraid for, perhaps, the first time in my life. I wished to gaze upon her, but the will of a mortal is weak in comparison to that of an Angel. Truly. I wished to speak to her, but I knew my brash bravado was not going to be enough or even appropriate. When I could muster the words, they would fall short at seeing her again and I would become reverted and shy. She had a power over me that no other had been able to demonstrate. I can only explain it as celestial.

A project in school required that the class pair up to learn dance techniques. The teacher asked that anyone who had a partner in mind raised their hand. This was my chance. I gathered up my courage and shot my hand into the air. The teacher selected someone behind me and I was shocked to find out that Kara had been selected to choose first. Crud. I just knew that she was going to pick some other guy and my heart sank. I slowly began to lower my hand when Kara said my name.

The cartoons portray it, but I believe that my jaw hit the floor. I was dumbstruck and stunned. Noticing my hand still up, the teacher asked if that was who I wanted to dance with. I could not speak. My jaw was on the floor, after all. All I could muster was an excited puppy dog nod. Kara is, in fact, who I wanted. Of that, I was never more sure.

Events beyond my control took her from me. My family moved to a different town without my knowledge of the event taking place until it had already happened. I could not prepare, nor gather information to remain in contact. That was the first time I lost her. And, as with so many other childish things, she faded with time. I became more introverted and could not explain why.

When I was 17 I enlisted in the Army National Guard. While at Basic Training in Fort Knox, fate would both bless and curse me with the ghosts of my past. It turns out that one of my classmates from back then was also in my training unit. I was anxious to learn of what my other friends had become. It was interesting and exiting to hear of their exploits. And then, from the dark recesses of where I buried it, I spoke her name. I had very nearly forgotten. He confirmed that I was sure about the name I spoke and he then sighed heavily.

"Oh, man, I'm sorry," He began, "She died a couple years ago."

That was second time I lost her.

Joining a new gaming group in Boise reunited me with yet another classmate from the early days. I had swore to never forget her name again and, as soon I learned of someone from my past, I began to investigate. Fearing that my friend in Basic may have harbored feelings of jealousy, I sought to get more facts. I doubted what had been presented to me and I asked my new Gaming 'contact'. She confirmed that, yes, Kara had died in a truck accident.

That was the last time I lost her.

You can say that this was nothing more than 'puppy love'. I tried to tell that too myself, but some things are just too coincidental. Fate HAD to have played a part.

And so, I have sworn never to forget her again. I have sworn to the fact that she must have been 'the one' for me. I swear, she is my True Love.

Prove me wrong.

Please.

I want to love again.

I want to be loved.

I want to be wanted.

* * *

(excerpt from) Gone Away - Offspring

"Maybe in another life

I could find you there

Pulled away before your time

I can't deal it's so unfair

And it feels

And it feels like

Heaven's so far away

And it feels

Yeah it feels like

The world has grown cold

Now that you've gone away"

Bloody Turnips

I'm glad there's no such thing as 'Doctors Block' or "Cashiers Block" but why do they get all the easy jobs. You know, and do, the job or you don't. There is not any in-between failure.

Here I am again for the third night straight. Here I stare at a blank white post box. It hungers for me to etch into it with blackness. I turn away from it, striving to glean ambition from anything else in the room. My room disappoints me and I close my eyes to reflect on the things in my psyche.
And there it all is. All the things that I tire of hearing myself say. No less true or heartfelt, just tiring. I bore myself with my 'emo' crap. Poor me. Boo hoo.
I try to beat on the drums to relieve tension. One more creative outlet drained.
I pull out the sketchpad. I need to open it every day and put something in it. It's hungry whiteness mocks me too.
Inspiration and motivation have left me.
Great, I guess something is bothering me... my nails have gotten noticeably shorter, and once again Santa ignored my requests for a workout/exercise bag.
Somehow, I knew this would happen. As with all my creative projects, they burn brightly while my emotions run high. They then fizzle out before completion only to be picked back up days, months, or years later...

I found someone who motivated me.
I want to pursue her.
I can't.

Maybe I'll write some bad poetry to go along with my bad narration.

* * *

Tragic?

There was once a lonely boy,

He found himself a lonely girl,

They became lonely together,

And worshipped death.

After the passing of lonely girl,

Lonely boy didn't want to be lonely,

Lonely boy pleaded for death,

And his mind died.

Lost in the insanity of lonely boy,

Lonely girl begged for forgiveness,

Lonely boy would not hear her,

She was dead.

Lonely boy became dead boy,

He found himself a dead girl,

They were dead together,

And worshipped loneliness.

Idols (cont.)

First sign that something is laking in your life: you are blogging on Christmas.



Anyhow, I have come to terms with my dilemma from my last blog. I had two choices; either dwell upon something that I would not possibly be able to solve, or have faith. I already dwell on too many things out of my control, having a 15 year old ghost is far beyond my abilities to comprehend. All I can really do is have faith that I will know when the time has changed.

I will have faith that, IF I was mistaken about my true love, I will be able tell when it happens for real. That, no matter how hard I may try to hide from it, the universe will set things in motion to make me realise. I will be powerless to resist her and it will just happen.

I will not hope for this. For in hoping, I deny what was.



I don't know what forces are at work out there, but I have faith that it/they knows the forces that work in here.



Gwendolyn Sang walks down the musty corridors from her youth. It was here that she would have been served upon like royalty. As would her family. She was young and innocent and knew nothing else. But, thinking back, she now realised why her mother never smiled much.

It has been three years since she fled this place. I has been three years since she left her friends, family, and everything she knew. Today she returns for answers.

Hearing footsteps from farther in incites a reaction from Gwen. She quietly leaps into a crevasse located in the corridor wall. It was natural for her to remember this spot. She hid often in her youth and new all the best spots. Although this space is smaller than she remembers, she is able contort herself into in. The footsteps pass her by without so much as a pause, stutter, or scuff.



I see then are still using the golems. She thinks to herself. I'm going to have to remain quiet and cautious.

The footsteps fade away and Gwen leaps from hiding. She dashes along the corridor until she reaches the underground hall.

Idols

"I have offended God and mankind because my work didn't reach the quality it should have."


- Leonardo da Vinci

I admire Leonardo da Vinci greatly. I feel we have similar qualities. It is my aspiration to one day be ranked up there with him. A rather large boast, but we all need goals.

But, I get distracted. Calling me pationate is the typical response to me going on about the things I say and the things that really grab my attention. But, it is really only an excuse. There is very little reason for it. Likewise, I get very 'girl crazy'. I fall hard and fast. Make that: too hard and too fast.

Confident in the knowledge that there is not another out there who can complete me anymore, I still crave the affections of another. To be admired and to hold their facination. But, how could I possibly ask someone to forego their chance to be connected to their true love, by being with me? I cannot. I'm not selfish, just alone.

If it gets to be too distracting, I spend a sobering reminder in front of the mirror.

This gives me perspective again.

Calibrates me.

And sets me back to zero.

What if I'm wrong? What if I have yet to find the best person for me? What if everything I experienced was only a fraction of what I could experience?

I would rather have lost true love than never have found it.

But couldn't this be seen as selfish? What if I have yet to find 'the one', but, I meet her someday? By closing myself off from her, I deny her the ability to experience the love we all deserve.

Crap, I just found a flaw in my ideology. I... I don't know what to add. I have to think on this. Crappity crap crap. Well, I had something planned to write but I can't now. I'll be back if/when I can come up with something.

"Art is never finished, only abandoned."
- Leonardo da Vinci

Truth Is A Perception

I believe that true love is real. I also believe that I met and fell in love with mine. The story itself is a cotton candy mirror of what my life is now. But, I had the most powerful and truest emotions tied to love with her. She is dead now.

I curse myself every day by saying that I hope that she was not 'the one'. I hope that there is a 'truer' love out there for me. But, in doing so, I sour the memories of what we had.

I ask forgiveness and chalk it up to just being lonely. An overbearing feeling of solitude surrounds me. It ways me down and makes me dwell on things out of my control. I loose sleep unless I can swallow my pride and cry myself to sleep.

If dying meant that I could see her again, I would. But I just do not know for sure. So I hold onto this physical shell against the torrents of life.

* * *

-Two orderlies peer through a tiny view port into a white, padded cell. Their clean white coats bear a striking contrast to the grey stone walls and floor. Within the cell sits a man with long white hair save for two thin stripes, on either side of his part, that are the color black. His head is lowered and his gaze is fixed on the space between his feet. He wears not shoes and his legs are covered with loose, pajama-style, white pants. He shifts ever so slightly trying to find a comfortable position for the straight jacket that he wears about his chest.

-"...admits to killing her," says the first orderly finishing his statement, "but keeps sticking to some crazy tale about how she wasn't supposed to die."

-"Oh, right" chimes the second orderly, "this is that Duvoss guy I've heard about. Sounds like a cheap way to get out of the death penalty to me."

-The orderlies share a laugh combined with a shaking of their heads. This gains a reaction from the patient in the form of a sidelong glance.

-"Whatever, man. Let's check on the others and I can finish your tour," concludes the first orderly.

-I can't take it anymore, Camelia.

-Tears begin to fall from the patients face only to find a resting place on his jacket. He can't remember a time when he wasn't crying since being placed in here. So, his tears join the others that have succeeded in making the top half of his jacket soaked. His lips have become chapped with dehydration and he parts them slightly to take a deep breath.

-He lets out his final breath and wills himself to stop living.

-The mental health facility is sprung into activity. Patient Duvoss is not responding and his life signs are fading.

-I guess I wasn't fast enough. They are going to revive me. Maybe next time my dear wife.

He can feel himself being raised up but cannot see anything.

-"What on Earth do you think you are doing, baby?"

-His heart jumps. I know that voice! But, could it be? Please let it be true.

His eyes open quickly to be filled with a bright light. He strains to make sense of the shapes he perceives. When, at last, his heart fills with joy. Hovering above him, like some Gothic angel, is his dead wife, Camelia.

-She is wearing a grey, leather, hooded trench coat. And she looks down on Darrel with a sign of displeasure. Darrel is shocked by the look on her face, hoping that she would be pleased to see him again. His heart falls instantly, fearing that all that he 'knew' was false. Never good at hiding his emotions, Darrel's expression shifts to one of depression.

-"Oh, no, no, no, baby. You can't do this. Not if we are to be together again." She smiles broadly and does her best to reassure him. "It is not your time yet."

-He realises that he was reaching for her and drops his arms limply, "I can't, Cami. I can't go on anymore without you." He turns to look away from her, realising that he is floating in the air and spots his body being positioned and cared for by orderlies and doctors.

-"Remember the things I told you before?" Camelia touches Darrel's cheek and turns his face towards hers, "They were... mostly true."

-"You see," she continues, "death was only a small part of my abilities. I am Karma. I am Chance. And I am Balance. You are a noble soul and would have gone to 'Heaven' but you ended your own existence which damns you to oblivion. I may just have a solution though. Those doctors are going to save your life, but for a price. You now have a debt to repay... in souls."

-"When the Angels were created, they picked 'sides' long before I came about. So, I chose my 'Angels' from humans. Charon was my first, and I want you to be my next. As one of my Reapers, you get to assist me in the collection of souls, and thus get to visit me on occasion."

-"But, and here is where it gets tricky, you still have two things against you. One: You will still be of the living and reaper abilities will alienate you from others and could have an adverse affect on your psyche. And two: You have too good of a heart and will go to heaven when you cross over. To remedy that, you will have to be equally evil."

-"I want you to become my avenger and my revenger. I want you to kill people. Bad people."

She then presents Darrel with a set of scythe blades, "I want you to become my Angel of Vengeance."

Evaluation

One week has passed. My soul is sore. I have beat myself up plenty. I cracked and bled. I need to recover. But only just a bit. I need not lose these feelings. But I need not be destroyed by them. The first time I experienced them, they nearly did so. And now, to gather them all up together... well... let's just say that I am happy for distractions.

So maybe this is a good time to get feedback. Despite the dry nature of telling (preaching) a creation myth, how is it going? And please be blunt.

It is white. A snowstorm blankets the sky making it difficult to differentiate between sky and earth. In the distance a shape emerges. The shape takes form and settles into that of a polar bear. The bear is trotting across the snowy landscape. It stops, momentarily to sniff the air, but doesn't like what it finds. The bear begins to scan around itself rapidly.

Suddenly, a wolf jumps from the blanket of snow to attack the bear. With a mighty swing of its arm, the wolf is knocked from the air and into a nearby snowbank. The bear steps to the side avoiding an attack from another wolf. The bear lets out a fierce roar and the snowstorm calms ever so slightly. With the break in the storm the bear notices that it has become surrounded by wolves.

The polar bear's body begins to warp and mutate. It's torso shortens and it's legs shift, adopting a bipedal stance. It's two mighty arms enlarge and opposable thumbs form with large and sharp claws.

"You Lupines disgust Ursal. Why is it that you have turned from the Earth Mother?" speaks the bear, "What would make you attack a Guardian?"

A white wolf, larger than its pack mates, steps forward and assumes a half wolf/half human form.

"It is you who have turned from the one true God, Ursal," barks the Alfa, "We were born cursed and have been given a chance at redemption."

With that, the rest of the pack shifts forms and pounce on the Werebear Guardian. Ursal swats one wolf from the air only to be bitten on the leg. A slash to that wolf leaves Ursal open and another wolf slashes at his side.

"BloodHounds are you then?" Ursal growls throwing a wide swing and backs himself towards a snowbank.

"Come out, Inquisitor!" Ursal roars. BloodHounds never attack without direct commands. "Come out before I make sure none of your pups here live to see the next Embodiment!"

The wolf pack suddenly stop their advance on Ursal. Their semicircle parts to reveal a man in red robes.

"So, Ursal, you are wise to the truths. But I wonder what part you shall play in all of this. What brings a Guardian into the U.S.? You have ran a great distance from the Motherland, have you not?"

Duty

When I least expected it, my heart jumped out of my chest just as if I had began to fall. Suddenly and without warning, my eye caught something that would put everything else it had seen, to shame. It was just a glance at first and I was compelled to look again. Never before had I experienced that and I have yet to do so again.

I wish I would.

I wish I could cheapen the moment by experiencing it again.

And that is where Venge and this story/comic come in. I get to dredge up all the emotions that have been sacrificed on the altar of this project. I get to pull them out of the dusty, shadowed, recesses of my soul where I have hidden them away. I get to feel it all again and remember. Remember things that, very nearly, where lost.

I can't hold it in any longer, Kara.

"Finally," Greggor sighs refocusing his attention back to you, "we got all that out of the way. Now to the more relevant stuff."

"The man who would come to be known as Venge flew under the Observate radar for the majority of his life. That is, to say, that he did not stand out more than any of us. But, make no mistake, he is a very remarkable person. Little is know of his earlier days but we have been able to scrounge up a few facts. He was born to the name of Darren Victor Duvoss in a suburb of Seattle. He was born to a poor family and was the only child. He currently has no living relatives."

* * *

- The office is dark. A streetlight casts beams of light onto the floor. The vertical slats that hang from the window, glow softly with the outside radiance. Diagonal slivers of light revealed a body lying on the floor. It's feet shift unexpectedly at the sound of maniacal laughter.

- "It is time, Don Grange! Get yourself up and show the lady some respect," Venge exclaims with overwhelming abandon. Venge grabs the body by the shoulders and raises it up against the wall.

- A bloodied face glares at Venge with yellow eyes.

- "I hope you're not planning on killing me," says the body slumped in Venges arms, "You will find that quite difficult. I am immortal!"

- Don Grange suddenly begins to convulse uncontrollably, coughing up blood. Venge smiles despite his face being covered with a mask.

- "Wait *cough* how did you do this?" Don Grange asks, surprised, "How can you possibly *cough cough* harm me?"

- Venge drops the Don, letting him fall to the ground like a wet towel. Venge pantomimes as if he is rolling up his sleeves. In the blink of an eye, a blade appears at each forearm. They measure in length a total of three feet, starting at approximately the elbow and extending about two feet from the tips of his fingers.

- "Ta-dah!" Venge exclaims while motioning his arms wide. "These, my dear Don, are gifts from that whom you have eluded for far too long."

- Kneeling down beside Don Grange, Venge whispers in his ear, "Death."

- And, with a leap, a bound, and a twirl, Venge points a blade in the Dons direction, "You see, Grange, Death does not like your kind openly disrespecting her rules. Just because your ancestors were able to work with Lilith to find a way around it, does not mean it will not happen. Death will come for all Vampires!"

- "But, I have some good news and some bad news." Venge crouches next to Don Grange and begins seriously, "I am not here to kill your kind off. I will leave that for the Unpaladins. In fact, I will let all your lackeys live! But not you, Don Grange. You have taken it upon yourself to do Death's work for it. And expiring a soul before it's time makes problems. I get to solve those problems."

- And, with a final stroke from his blade, "I am your reaper," Venge severs Don Grange's hold on his physical body.

- "Thank you, Venge," speaks a voice in Venge's head, "Now I can be at peace."

- Venge shakes his head, "I did not do it for you, Anthony..."

- A dark cloaked figure materialises in the room. Only two fiery burning coals can be seen within the hood. And two skeletal hands can be seen protruding from the dark sleeves. In their grasp is a large and equally dark scythe.

- "... I did it for her."

Embodied

I may have to make this post short and sweet so as to not dwell on matters that are out of my control. Otherwise, this part of the story may take a dark and self loathing turn. All we can do is delve into the depths of my nonsanities, unsanities, and maybe even my deepest, darkest sanities.

You, dear reader, have the privilege of being able to stop and turn away. I, on the other hand, am plunging head first into it... Insert maniacal laughter here. Or maybe just a barely noticeable head twitch.

Greggor' palm meets his face with a loud slap signalling that he has realised a mistake.

"There I go again," Greggor speaks, pulling his hand from his face, "I am getting ahead of myself again."

Crunched eyebrows and a red hand print on his forehead prove to serve as a reminder to Greggor that he might be more careful in the future.

"Now then," Greggor squints his eyes and looks off and up to his right, "where was I? Embodiments! Right. So these 'deals' were really more like contractual agreements. Bound by reality and binding reality. The Prime Beings agreed to and set up a schedule for these Embodiments and each one selected one of their servants to maintain their reality whilst they were 'away'. God selected Gabriel, his most loyal and noble. Lilith selected Lucifer whom she had taken from God ages ago, most proud and sure. And Death selected Charon whom had agreed to join Death in eternity as a servant, most brave and logical."

"Numerous embodiments would come to take place as each Being took turns living the life of a Human. Often times, they would simply live out an unremarkable life. Quite mundane and without much incident. Other times they would endure great hardships and strife complete with an unusually early demise. And, in the rarest cases, a Prime Being would gain some recollection of their true nature and use it. The most notable of these recollection incidents are fully recorder by the Observates, but I do not wish to alarm you with the details. All I will say is that it has to do with prophets."

"Regardless, each time a Primordial Being returned, at the end of their lives, they had a greater understanding of what it meant to be Human. Except Death. While God came from beings who experience many things, and Lilith created and experience things on her own, Death had no such instruction. Death knew only balance and justification. Not emotions and feelings."

"Twenty-five years ago, it was Death's turn to live a life as one of us again. As was part of the deal, both God and Lilith created a condition for the embodiment. God spoke first wishing that his child would get to experience love on this visit. And so it would come to pass, that in Death's embodiment it would get to experience love. Lilith thought hard about what she could do to better educate her child in the darker emotions of Humans. When, at last, she had a condition: that Death would experience true love. And so, too, it would come to pass that Death would experience true love in her lifetime as one of us."

The 'Deal'

So, I have taken to a layout of these blogs. You may or may not have noticed that I begin with some insight into my process of creating this story and follow it with a segment of the story itself. I know that it may have been a bit confusing and I tried to format the sections differently.

The back story has been the part of this story that I have thought most about, as it deals with concepts different from what we may be used to. But, I am afraid, Venge's story, as it takes place in the present, has been outlined, but the specifics are less thought out. So, even though I have been able to post something at least once a day, once the present storyline commences my posting may decline in frequency.

Until that time, I give you the next instalment.

"Ah yes," Greggor continues, "The Wogod did not wish to be referred to as such anymore. Good, I see that you were paying attention. Indeed Lilith possessed a strong personality, as would be expected of God's clone, so to speak."

"In fact, the Ungod came to be known as many other things itself. 'Itself', right. The Ungod was never given a name and neither had it a gender that we know of. Lilith and God's creations, man and woman, assigned names to the Ungod without fully understanding It's exact sway over such matters. Primarily the Ungod became most known as the force for which It held the most sway."

"Since God and Lilith created us humans, they could not bring themselves to uncreate us. They would guide us and teach us, but could not bring themselves to end our existence. Many ages passed since the first humans came into being, that the world had become stagnant and crowded. God attempted to remedy this by expanding the world in which we lived. Lilith did her best to create situations that would try our resolve and make God love us less. But neither could stem the flow of downward progression that we were experiencing."

"And so it is, that when neither God nor Lilith could control reality towards a mutually beneficial solution, that the Ungod had to step in. And, as is often times asked of it, the Ungod made a deal with the other two primordial entities. Humans would have the ability to live their lives as they saw fit, but not forever. The Ungod placed a lifespan on us so that we would not become content and would feel a need to accomplish. Gone too, was the ability of God and Lilith to spontaneously create new humans and instead the Ungod imbued us with the ability to procreate."

"As fair as this deal was, humans became discouraged with this expiration date and labeled this shadowy foreboding as Death. And so too did the entity who first put it in place gain its title. The Ungod is now, most commonly, referenced as; Death."

"Lilith and God knew that such an extreme measure must be taken but they never agreed to liking it. 'What should happen to them at the end?' was inquired of Death. A fair question, Death thought to itself and posed another deal to the prime entities. 'Those spirits who are more closely tied to either of you, may be taken to a new realm of your own creation. Free from the agreements made here and free from the scrutiny of the other Primordial entities. I will judge all souls and determine which path they will cross over to. I may even return a soul in the matter of souls who do not fall too closely to either path.'"

God and Lilith knew that they could trust Death to judge their creations impartially and justly. And, while it may have seemed to give God an advantage, Lilith was pleased with the opportunity to be able to sway humans to herself. Death further placed restrictions that no Prime Entity would be able to directly interact with humans either through themselves or any of their other creations."

"Ages more passed for us Humans where the Prime Entities would subtly guide us and teach us. But, they began to see us as possessions to be toyed with. It was only through the sheer force of will of one man that things are as they are today."

"A man by the name of Charon was able to speak with Death at his final judgement. He asked of Death, 'How is it, that you can pass judgement upon me without feeling the things that I have felt? How is it that you can throw me to my childish parents when they, themselves, know not what it means to be Human?' Death was impressed by the strengths of Charon's personality. That he could breach reality in the brief instant of his demise. That he possessed wisdom not typically demonstrated by Humans. And the courage it took to confront a Prime Entity and his own judge."

"Death had no choice but to consider Charon's words and could not deny their logic. So once more, Death approached God and Lilith with a proposition: That each Primordial Entity should have to spend a lifetime as a human. God agreed and further proposed that they should not have knowledge of their true power. Lilith also agreed and added that each one should have a condition placed on their 'visit' by each of the other Primes."

"It was enacted, and a schedule was put into place that would set regular occurrences of these 'embodiments' (the exact details of which currently eludes us Observates). To the best of our knowledge," Greggor concludes, "never has this schedule allowed for more than two of the Primordials to become embodied at the same time. But, we fear that two are currently embodied and that the third is about to become so."

Extrapolations

When trying to write these ideas, I have bit off more than I could chew. While all these ideas are in my head, never have I placed them in so much detail. And I am ashamed at how lacking they are in detail, at that.

While my initial idea may have been that: the main character fell in love with the physical embodiment of death and strives to kill bad people for a chance to see her again. My dilemma comes in figuring out how that may be possible and, furthermore, how to write that in a compelling way. I have worked through many of the conflictions, in my head. But, I have never written them out nor worked out how a dialogue concerning them might play out. I also, feel that trying to blog something after work, but before bed, also leads to lackluster scripting.

So, thank you for becoming a part of this experiment in self horrification. Feel free to comment if you feel so compelled. I won't take it personally. I'm not a writer =]

Greggor senses questions building within you.

"Let me stop here before you get lost in those questions," Greggor begins again, "I understand that you may wish for me to elaborate and be more detailed with some of the things I have already stated. What was before God? What happened with the Angels? What about the beginnings of man? and so on."

"Listen. I understand why you may be so inquisitive. But, I must warn you. I, too, was most interested in the complete truths. And, as it was explained to me in the beginning of my studies, all in due time."

"First, I feel that it would be best to explain how the Order of Observates is organised. If I were to recite every truths I have become privy to, not only would it take days of nonstop recitation to complete, but you would still be missing parts. Observates are chosen to shadow and watch key individuals. This has lead us to being called 'Watches' and 'Seekers' and even 'Stalkers'. Observates will, most times, spend their entire lifetime following the exploits of one individual. And while this may seem like a boring and thankless task, it is ours alone. Sometimes we pursue exciting and active individuals. In these cases, not only is maintaining anonymity difficult, but the subject of our observation may perish before they succumb to old age."

"In addition, an Observate who has proven themselves as very astute and, for lack of a better term, observant, may find themselves assigned to multiple subjects or as a collector of multiple subject truths. You may get to watch several people or you may be the one that Watchers report to."

"I tell you this, because I have been assigned to a man who now refers to himself as, Venge. And, his personal story extends back to these beginning days. As part of your training, you shall assist me in our observations of his activities. Also, as part of that training, you are to hear of his story and relay it back to me if asked."

"Do not worry, all Observate Initiates must undergo this process. In fact, I could recite to you my training assignment. A man by the name of Graustein. Spectacular fellow who was very difficult to remain hidden from."

"But I am sidetracking, please excuse me."

"As Venge's story has not directly been affected by what was before God, nor has it had any Angel involvement to date, and neither has the early days of man and woman. But God, Wogod, and the Ungod? Very important, and you shall learn exactly why."

The Beginning

I confess... I am not a writer. And neither do I consider myself an avid reader. So, what is captured within these blogs is a juvenile effort, by someone who draws, to write a story. This is not a cry from a low self-esteem (as I profess to having bad days, and worse days). This is a matter of fact.

I went back and spell-checked my previous posts, and they read smoother. I hope to, at least, engage you in my nightmare... I hope you really like it.

Greggor peers at you, reading you somehow. He seems content with what he has found and speaks again,

"Good. Let us start as far back as we can. Feel free to ask me for a pause, as there will be much to... digest."

"Man has the power to do anything. Mind over matter, Miracles, & Record breakers are just some examples of this. So why not god?"
"God was man. A man named, God. He was not the first of his kind, but he was the first of our kind. He was able to breach reality and became unhappy with the way things were. So it is that he started over. A painful amount of time passed before he became consumed with loneliness. He created a partner, equal in every way to himself, but possessing physical qualities most appealing to him. He called her Wogod and loved her."
"Wogod came into being possessing all the power of God and loved him in return. As time passed she began to question her place in reality. She sought to create new and chaotic things as she had not experienced them before."
"God soon became taxed with maintaining reality (he was only half the man he was before) that needed to create watchers and guardians to assist in keeping up with Wogod's machinations. Gods Angels. Wogod then became displeased. She did not like being ruled over and professed her abilities as Gods equal. She did not like being considered a child who was created and instead considered herself the same as God with the exception that she just arrived later. She claimed Angels for her own and insisted that she be referred to as Lilith and that none should make further reference to Wogod."
"In Lilith's excitement, she wanted to create beings of her own, but all solo attempts had failed. It took the combined power of herself and God to create man and woman."
"Time progressed where Lilith continued to venture out on her own leaving God to only watch. She wished for him to follow with her but knew that he had other duties. On one such occasion Lilith was able to convince God to follow with her into the shadows of her creation. It is true that God is all seeing and all knowing in his reality, but he now shared this reality with Lilith. God was shocked by what he saw in that moment. As Gods equal, Lilith had also became his opposite. Harnessing power equal to Gods, Lilith was able to conceal things from him that she knew would displease him. Things that she, herself, was ashamed of, but could not deny their affect on her. And in that moment, God cast his eyes once more on debauchery and vileness the likes of which he had not seen since he had started over. Normally calm and composed, God was consumed by the emotions of Lilith's creations. It a fit of overwhelming disappointment and rage, God undid Lilith."
"Everything that Lilith had created and influenced, vanished. All save for Gods memory of her. And he did mourn her undoing. He did love her after all. She was his equal, his soul mate, and half of his being died when she went away. Only the observation and guidance of their combined creations kept God from undoing it all again. Man and woman survived and progressed and procreated."
"Lilith was able to find herself, and willed her being to exist again. She was extremely hurt by God. She too loved him and only ever wanted to please him. But she could not deny that she was unable to do so. In this moment of self awareness, discovery, and emotion an immaculate event occurred. God and Lilith had a child. So strong was their love for each other. So powerful was their disappointment in each other. And so true was their inability to accept it all. Just as God created Lilith out of loneliness and spilt himself in two, so too did they create from their confliction. The Ungod was born. Ungod became a balancing force between its parents. And, with the power of God split into three equal parts, balance was attained. A universe on the brink of undoing itself was, in the exact instant it was going to be destroyed, saved."
"God established order. Lilith established chaos. And the Ungod established order where chaos was unraveling, and chaos where stagnation took hold."
"God embodied goodness. Lilith embodied vileness. And the Ungod embodied stubbornness."

"And there you have it," Greggor says, snapping you back to the present.

"That is the dawn of time and the beginning of our reality. I shall let you reflect on this and continue in a moment."

A beginning...

Rereading the last/first post has prompted me to pay attention to the editing tools. Nothing can disrupt a story faster than a misspelling. So, without further ado; 'A Beginning".

"Welcome to the order of the Observates. Our mission has, and always shall be, to observe the truths concealed within the beliefs.

My name is Greggor. I maintain only my family name, as I was born in this order and know nothing different. We Greggor's have received the truths for two-thousand years and passed them on to other Observates as well as down through the generations of our own family. The first Greggor received the truths from the Zultai family who, in turn, received them from another. As beliefs differing from the consensus, tend to be destroyed or ostracised; the first Observate Truthholder deemed that the truths shall only be recorded and recited vocally and from memory.

Take comfort in the fact that you shall receive the truths, but do not become overwhelmed with their implications. I am the last Greggor but with me shall not die these truths. And do not fear, for outside observers are necessary to gain perspective. Your task is to receive the truth and past it on to other observers. We do not question these truths, because our place is not such.

It is true that some recitations may seem to lack detail or perspective in some aspects. But, such is the downfall of oral recitation from memory. An observer takes from a scene what they sense of it and a reciter will repeat what they felt of it. These truths, in turn, become a personal journey. A journey constantly tainted by human nature, clouded by personal perception, and buried in triviality.

Prepare yourself to receive these truths. And hold these truths to be self-evident."

In the beginning...

Man has the power to do anything. Mind over matter, Miracles, & Record breakers are just some examples of this. So why not god?

God was man. A man named, God. He was not the first of his kind, but he was the first of our kind. He was able to breach reality and became unhappy with the way things were. So it is that he started over. A painful amount of time passed before he became consumed with loneliness. He created a partner, equal in every way to himself, but possessing physical qualities most appealing to him. He called her Wogod and loved her.

Wogod came into being possessing all the power of God and loved him in return. As time passed she began to question her place in reality. She sought to create new and chaotic things as she had not experienced them before.

God soon became taxed with maintaining reality that needed to create watchers and guardians to assist in keeping up with Wogod's machinations. Gods Angels. Wogod then became displeased. She did not like being ruled over and professed her abilities as Gods equal. She did not like being considered a child who was created and instead considered herself the same as God with the exception that she just arrived later. She claimed Angels for her own and insisted that she be referred to as Lilith and that none should make further reference to Wogod.

In Lilith's excitement, she wanted to create beings of her own, but all solo attempts had failed. It took the combined power of herself and God to create man and woman.

Time progressed where Lilith continued to venture out on her own leaving God to only watch. She did wish for him to follow with her but knew that he had other duties. On one such occasion Lilith was able to convince God to follow with her into the shadows of her creation. It is true that God is all seeing and all knowing in his reality, but he now shared this reality with Lilith. God was shocked by what he saw. As Gods equal, Lilith had also became his opposite. Harnessing power equal to Gods, Lilith was able to conceal things from him that she knew would displease him. Things that she, herself, was ashamed of, but could not deny their affect on her. And in that moment, God cast his eyes once more on debauchery and vileness the likes of which he had not seen since he had started over. Normally calm and composed, God was consumed by the emotions of Lilith's creations. It a fit of overwhelming disappointment and rage, God undid Lilith.

Everything that Lilith had created and influenced vanished. All save for Gods memory of her. And he did mourn her undoing. He did love her after all. She was his equal, his soul mate, and half of his being died when she went away. Only the observation and guidance of their combined creations kept God from undoing it all again. Man and woman survived and progressed and procreated.

Lilith was able to find herself, and willed her being to exist again. She was extremely hurt by God. She too loved him and only ever wanted to please him. But she could not deny that she was unable to do so. In this moment of self awareness, discovery, and emotion an immaculate event occurred. God and Lilith had a child. So strong was their love for each other. So powerful was their disappointment in each other. And so true was their inability to accept it all. Just as God created Lilith out of loneliness and spilt himself in two, so too did they create from their confliction. The Ungod was born. Ungod became a balancing force between its parents. And, with the power of God split into three equal parts, balance was attained. A universe on the brink of undoing itself was, in the exact instant it was going to be destroyed, saved.

God established order. Lilith established chaos. And the Ungod established order where chaos was unraveling, and chaos where things became stale.

God embodied goodness. Lilith embodied vileness. And the Ungod embodied stubbornness.

MidKnightmares

I have recently been reengaged in my original comic book (as will happen every so often). And, after reviewing a friends blog about his own documented journey of writing, I felt it would be a good idea to have a journal of my own exploits and adventures down this agonising path of original story/world creation. I have been working on this character for approximately 15 years now. In a nutshell: His name is Venge, The Death Dancer, he is a Crow/Kabuki/Blade Dancer mix, and he is absolutely mad (crazy and angry). And his story is bigger than just himself.

It took me a bit of time to realise that in my own fictional world, I get to create what is real. Things, that in our world would be considered unheard of and impossible, are mine to explain away or in greater detail. This is the power that a creator gets. And it scares me.
If I were to say that, in my world, the air is so dense and humid that animals such as dolphins, sea lions, and whales move about freely through it. Not only is that notion impossible to conceive in our world, but I must then think about the impact that would have on other things in this world.
But, it goes deeper than flying sea mammals. What about creating or reinventing modern gods? Quite easy to do in a fantasy setting such that is portrayed in medieval fantasy novels. I only say this, because I am about to rewrite the beginning of time... and I never thought I would, myself, have to play god... Or did I? I suppose all artists (writers, painters and such) have to take on the role of god to create. Creaters have to become Creators. In fact I stated it above: 'This is the power a creator gets. And it scares me'.
It scares me, because I know I am chalk full of ideas. I love imagining new and different things. But, I never conceived that an idea of mine would have to be believed with absolute faith. When you read a fictional piece of work, you yourself are taking the authors imagery at face value. And to the greater extreme, an authors goal is to write something so compelling as to have you, the reader, place yourself in the story. An author must make you believe in the characters and the story, no matter how 'far fetched'.
I have personal beliefs that differ from the mainstream. I truly believe in them, but I would never try to convince someone else of them. They are difficult to live with and can destroy a person. I have accepted them as true and have left room for you to believe in what you will. Anything is possible. And my job as a creator is to convince you of the possibilities, 'And it scares me.'

Venge is my dream of a hero and his quest for love. And in this dream I have to do things that scare me.

I am MidKnight, and these are my Knightmares.