Commitmentality

Do not take this as some journal logging how I am actively working at page creation and story progression. This is merely my attempt to stay engaged with a life's goal.

I continue to think of this 'project' in the terms of eventuality not definity.

I keep thinking that this will all be finished eventually.

I should be doing.

Definitively.

Continuously.

Kara used to nag me, and not in the ways that frustrate a person.

She was just always there creeping up from my psyche.

She was my muse,

and my succubus.

She would drain me and leave me exhausted but never without also leaving me with a sense of accomplishment.

I speak of her in the past tense not because she is dead, even though that is a fact, but because I have not felt that connection to her recently.

This saddens me.

It fills me with doubt and self loathing.

She has every right. I have not been strong enough.

Not physically.

Not mentally.

Not even my spirit has been enough to keep her tethered to me.

I am just a man with a pretty good idea.

 The story sucks, though.

I need help.

But I am not, nor will I, ask for it.

I do not know what pride is to know if I have too much of it to swallow, but I have been told that my horse is rather tall and I should get down from it.

Unrelated.

At least not directly.