Wight Knight

I used to think I had a hero complex, but discovered that it was more of a white knight syndrome. This is the primary reason that I do not seek the affections of another. Despite the seemingly overbearing desire of human companionship is the recognition that I need to save myself first.

It is my hope that Venge will be able to conquer this long before I do. Or possibly as I do. I have left some room to provide him with that opportunity (can't say the same for myself).

One thing I have not been able to conquer and that has been incorporated throughout the story is this sense of goddess worship or 'putting the p*ssy on a pedestal'. I do not shy away from having strong women characters and never have.

I apologize for the couple days delay on writing. To myself and my readers. Too much time wasted on clever or insightful 'forewards' leave me little time to continue the story. Personal goal: write more; think less... or maybe just to get down to business sooner and without so much ado.

Weak End

You would think that my weekend off of work would afford me greater freedom to complete personal tasks. Well it does. Unfortunately, writing and drawing end up being lower on the list than I would like. Instant gratification ends up becoming the priority. I am still so irresponsible.

I revised some notes. I even dropped the 'mature content' warning when opening this site (as it has yet to veer into any rated R content).

I find myself wanting miracles without wanting to pray for them. I find myself charming people accidentally then actively turning them away. I desire companionship, but refuse to seek it. I will charm you but refuse to acknowledge your feelings on the subject.

I could make a list of good and bad qualities in myself. Even though the bad side would be sorter, the weight I place on them are much greater. I am my own worst critic.

I am not worthy. Period.

Hm, rereading the above statements has me concerned. Might be best, in the future, if I don't write shortly after dealing with my exes. Oh well. It shall remain as proof that I actually did write today... kind of.

Nigh Expectations

Was only able to write briefly, yesterday. I found that, while closing my eyes to visualise the next part of the story, I had nodded off. Then today, I was to busy completing social obligations to make it back to writing. I am hoping for some better opportunities tomorrow.

Wrest Assured

By the way. This is the rough draft. I have found a handful of errors in both previous posts I do not foresee this being any different.

That being said, critique. Be brutal. But over all, be honest and constructive.

I have no muse. I have no mentor. I have no hero.

* * *

"Expecting someone else, where you then, Deit?" Karen enticed.

Contraint Ahead

An evaluation of my time has left me with only 1 hour to write. And looking at my schedule, this looks like a realistic goal. 2 hours of writing a night is now being replaced by 1 hour. At least I am still writing...

(p.s. I am still not satisfied with Blogspot's editing tools)

* * *

-Dietrick heard the robed woman's words but they seemed so distant, as if whispered from the bottom of a well. He thought to what has brought him to this place. What was he doing in this place? He recalled finding himself in a tunnel with no noticeable entrance nor exit. He had felt a cool breeze and elected to travel towards it, in the hopes of finding the surface. What he found was not at all what he had expected. Or had he? What was he doing in this place. Why couldn't he recall entering the tunnel?
-He noticed that his eyes were darting all around the cavern, searching for some clue to his whereabouts. Not able to recall where he was going nor where he had been, his eyes settled on those of the woman.
-Her eyes where squinted slightly, studying his.
-"You really have no idea, do you?" She began, "I can see now, why that may be. You are not complete. You are missing half of your soul. As the ferryman, I can take you across to your final destination, but I must ask that you pay the toll."
-She stepped from the boat and onto the black beach. Taking his hand and loping it around her waist, she moved ever closer to his ear.
-She purred into his eye, "Are you prepared to leave all your worldly possessions behind?"
-Deitrick found her words intoxicating as pulled at every fiber of his being. As if drawn by the siren's song he began to approach the boat. He reached up to steady his climb onto it when he felt himself held back. Looking back, he saw that the woman did not follow, but still held his hand.
-"Not so fast, my dear. Even though your soul desires it, which would be enough under normal circumstances, my master made me promise to get your verbal consent before doing so."
-Dietrick, unsure of what he was doing, felt that this is what he wanted. He searched for the means to speak his desire. He attempted to draw in a breathe to begin but panicked as no air filled his lungs. Panic took hold and flailed about, frantically. He felt pressure around his hand and looked to the cause.
-With the torch pole stuck in the sand, the woman was grasping his hand in both of hers.
-"Calm yourself!" She commanded him and the words, like before, manipulated his soul to do their bidding. "Focus your thoughts and 'speak your mind'. Do you wish to cross over?"
-A slight smile and tilt to her head and he found himself wanting to do whatever she wanted. He wished to please her and could not explain why. He did as she obeyed and focused his thoughts and memories. Flashes of memory crossed his minds eye. Memories of events, emotions, and people flooded his thoughts, but none lasted long enough to gather any incite from.
-He figured that every word that he composed would bring him closer to realisation, so he began forming the most remedial of sentences.
-"I am Dietrick Devos." He thought to her, with much hesitation. A nod from her reassured him that his juvenile attempt had met with success. "What is your name?" He inquired.

-"I am Karen, the ferryman."

-Her name, like a lit fuse, began to burn at his mind. He knew that name from somewhere. And with that realisation, he recalled seeing her face before. His eyes grew wide as the mental fuse detonated the mental explosives embedded in his mental walls. He jerked his hand from hers and pointed at her accusingly.

-"You're Karen, or Charon. The stalwart, the stubborn, and the charismatic. First to fight Death's will and reason with it. First of Death's lovers. And first Angel of Death!" Dietrick exclaimed. He noticed that he was shaking uncontrollably and dropped his hand. "What are you doing here?"

Bankrupture

A surprise deduction from my bank account has left me absolutely broken for the next week and a half. I can honestly say that I brought in upon myself... by avoiding financial obligations. I looked towards some semblance of financial relief in the most cleansing means possible. But, it turns out, a Chapter 7 Bankruptcy is not possible for me as the debt I owe is exempt.

So then, the only way I can free myself is to muscle through and pay it. But, according to my current statements, I will be unable to do so with my current salary. Subtract current payments and add on fees and charges makes the total balance due more than before I made the payment...

This leave me with 3 possibilities and options, some more realistic than others. I can luck into some sort of inheritance (the most unlikely), I could win the lottery (can't win if you don't play), or I could be presented with a career change that would greatly increase my income... And, since I am not looking to risk job security in today's job market, I am left with creating my own job. Self employment.

Which I why I am writing here again. I am too busy and too distracted to hope for any amount of success. But maybe, just maybe, I can find some spark of responsibility within myself to stay focused and driven.

In comparison of factors associated with seeing success in this endeavor I find that my writing is still the most lacking. To that end, I will attempt to write my complete story here. A portion at a time. I will hold myself to doing so for a minimum of 2 hours a day. I fully expect some days to be more rewarding than others. And I'm not yet sure if I will include a 'diary' section at the beginning of each.

(p.s I really am not liking Blogspot lack of accurate editing tools)

* * *

Book 1: Avenger

Chapter 1: Karen

-The cavern was enormous. The ghostly blue light from braziers on the walls and tiki style metal torches on the beach cast eerie reflections about the cavern. High above, something reflected that light in such a way that it resembled flickering stars in the black-night sky. The pattern of flickering followed along the walls lending to the falsification that this was not a cavern at all, but some beach overlooking an open ocean.

-The dark sea did not ripple and neither did it have waves. Where it met the black sand of the beach it merely rose and fell as does the chest of a breathing mortal, to creep up the coastline and recede without surface disturbance. Reflected in it's surface was the false starlight.
-Beyond and below the surface could be seen a vast city of decay. The streets looked to made of cobblestone and the structures made of cracked mortar. The roofs looked to be covered in a tangle of roots and branches. Faint blue lights dotted the subsurface landscape in the same sort of eerie azure blue flame.
-Dietrich Devos looked back towards the direction he had come. The bright light emanating from the opening caused him to shield his sight and shy away. He turned away and noticed that no light was spilling through from whence he came as if the cavern itself was devouring it.
-Returning his attention once again to the submerged city, he was surprised to find a robed figure standing atop a motionless boat. Grasped in two bony hands and to one side was a thin pole atop which hung a blue flamed lamp. The figure raises its head and two smoldering blue coals peer into Dietrich's soul. The coals blink out and the figure lowers it's hood.
-Long, curly dark hair fell onto the shoulders of the figures robe and frame an even featured and fair skinned face. The chest of the figure rises as it takes in a large breathe and across supple lips escapes a sultry whisper.
-"What are you doing here, Dietrich? Does this mean you are ready?"