I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way. Everyone probably already knows this. All they have to do is ask and I roll up my sleeve and reveal the place where I wear my heart.
If you've already been privy to what my heart holds then it somehow takes hold of you. It must. There is no other explanation for how those people shy away from it. They must be careful with this man lest they break him.
Am I really that weak? Am I not a grown man who has been broken before? Am I truly teetering that close to insanity that no one wants to be the one who drives me over the edge? It is true that I bottle up most of my emotions, negative and positive. I must, so that I do not unleash my passions unchecked. This is the curse of the passionate man. This also causes me to dwell on those emotions. But never have they become too much to handle. Never has that bottle become uncorked. It never has and it never will.
They say that bottling up those emotions is unhealthy. That they eat a man up from the inside. Am I then a hollow man? One big glass bottle of pent up emotion? I laugh at this.
So it is that I am either too close to insanity or too sweet to sour that things are hidden from me. The truth, no matter how hard you hide it, is still the truth. Is it better to reveal it and deal with it? Or is it better to conceal it and reel with it? I guess it is always easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.
I am great. Not because I think so, but because others feel they must tell me so. They have nothing to gain by telling me such things. They are not trying to get into my pants. So I must believe them. If it is, that I am so great, then it will not be long before someone realises this. Someone who would want to have me all for themselves. How great would that be? To have someone pursue me as much as I them?
I thought I had that kind of thing happen to me recently. It was an awesome sensation. Cloud nine and all that jazz. So what the hell happened? I doesn't make a whole lot of sense. The answers don't match the emotions. Something else has occurred. I can't ask because I am tired of not getting the whole truth.
I am a great man. Someone will realise that and I will be powerless to resist her. Just as she will be powerless to resist me.
So it is that I cast this glass man against the walls of the unanswered and unasked questions. I sweep up his shattered remains and throw them back in the fire. I blow him back up in the same form he was before. The Man of Glass reborn!
I am sensitive, and I am going to stay that way.
Ever watch the TV Show 'Bones'? As a police procedural it is gawd-awful. As a commentary on human relationships it does a really good job cutting to the core of why people do things, especially when it comes to love. In season 2, one of the characters asks the other to marry her and she turns him down twice.
ReplyDeleteShe seeks out the shrink character and asks for advice and looks for reasons why she hasn't said yes. His answer is comes out as a thinly veiled metaphor...
She told the shrink that the previous evidence they (her with him) should move in together was because half his closet was populated with her belongings. The shrink advised her to wait until at least 30 percent her closet was filled with his stuff and the option for him to move in with her was on the table. She laughed and took the hint that she needed some control over the situation to feel comfortable.
I think the line about being powerless to resist each other is important, but I also think it is a necessary component of a relationship to be able to hold each other up to the light of objectivity. There's only a slight difference between healthy compromise and the destructive practice of holding each other emotionally hostage.
After being in several committed relationships and now a successful marriage, I can honestly say I know nothing of the manner in which women operate inside them save one thing... they do not need us. Very little we do as men renders a woman truly powerless, and the secret to being a good partner in a relationship has nothing to do with being indispensable.
Nothing turns to resentment quicker than need.
In all my uses of analogies, I never once considered myself an emotional terrorist... Makes all too much sense though. I am definately going to observe these tendancies within myself and work to change those unhealthy habits. Thanks for that.
ReplyDeleteOMG you have just described exactly the way I feel, except I am the female version.....
ReplyDeletethank you for making me feel i'm not the only person in the world like this...
Your friend from fb
Well, thank you for letting me know that I am not the only one either.
ReplyDeleteHave confidence in yourself. Even when that person lets you down.
sometimes our biggest quests begin with our selves, the frist person who needs to love you is simple, but some people spend a life time looking for someone to make them feel whole, then one day they relize they had the power all along, you have the same power as all the other people who have unraveled the secret, I hope you are not 50 before you find it out so I will help you along, when you think about your life do you find dispair or pleasure? when you breath in and out do you find thankfulness or regret? when you love do you want to be loved or when the feeling are returned do you know what to do with them? well this is just a few examples and i could go on forever but that's not what this is about is it, so my final thought is you can never have anyone at anytime in your life unless you are ready to look at yourself from the inside out, and when the room in your head is finally clear then the crystal glass heart can and will shine through, but there is no room for anybody else until you do that, so to say it in the short version, if you are not happy with you, how can you invite someone else to join you, it took along time to figure that out , but not a bad journey for me and after all when it's all said and done, you only want 1 true love, right, and i did get the best gift of all when i recieved your last name i love you
ReplyDeleteYes, I know what I have to offer this world and someone else. I have no doubts about it. But ask a starving man what he most wants and he'll tell you food. Ask drowning man what he most wants and he will tell you to breathe. Ask a lonely man what he wants and he will tell you companionship.
ReplyDeleteAnd so, I thank you. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. You can save a drowning man today, but if you teach him to swim you can breath easy.
This post what about the conflicted issues I was having about a recent breakup. Those issues have been resolved and the self disection was just my way of voicing my feelings. I found out the truth, and while upsetting, I was able to come to terms with them. I just had questions.
I am a man of glass and I like it. It suits me.