Now Exiting Snoresville

While reading this first chapter, I have determined that it is pretty good. Kind of. I have noticed some distinct grammatical errors. I even noticed a serious change of perspective tense. I can't believe I made such a rookie move as changing from past-tense to present-tense in the middle of a chapter. These things an editor would surely notice and have me change, so it isn't all that bad.

No, the worst part is pacing. This is a much slower start than should be expected in a graphic novel. Most manga, comic books, and graphic novels fix this by starting out with a big action scene. Usually they just elude to the story, resolve the action sequence, then explain things afterward.

I have found that this gives the reader instant gratification but also lends to a false sense that these sort of sequences will be expected. This is not the way I would like to run things.

This story is planned to be sort of supernatural, psychological love story. About half the story will played out in words and the rest in actions. If someone picked up this graphical novel and read the first chapter, there is a good chance that they would be putting it down again.

The easiest cure would be to just throw an action sequence at the beginning, such as the vampire mafia Don fight that I wrote last year. But, I feel doing so would just be irresponsible and even more of a rookie maneuver.

Ah, if only a writer had dreamed this up. I could be watching the movie of it by now...

*         *         *

_Deitrich, flat on his back and arms flailed to either side, ran the name around in his mind. Venge. Venge. I know I should know this. Vengeance? Revenge? Avenge? Unbeknown to him, his hands were drawing a connection for the mask of Venge.

_Karen's thoughts broke through his own, "While this trip down memory lane is... " she feints a yawn, "engrossing, you are no closer to discovering the cause of your current condition."

_Distracted, his hands stop their dance of creation. The dark sand resettles and erases woman's face drawn there. Deitrich rolls his head to the side and looks up at Karen. He raises himself up to a sitting position and settles his elbows on his knees with his hand hanging loosely between them.

_"What would you have me do then, ferryman?" Deitrich pleaded, "I am recalling the best I can."

_Shaking her head sadly, she pulls her steering pole up from the water and cradles it in her arms. Her left arm swings to the side and grabs the lower shaft of it. Her right arm, still cradling the pole, grasps it. She raises it to shoulder level, the lantern swinging behind her, and leans her head over to peer down the length of it with her right eye.

_"Perhaps this will help you remember," she says as she points the bottom of the pole at Deitrich forehead. She jerks the bottom of the pole skyward and a gunshot is heard resounding from each of the cavern walls.

Luck It All

I once heard about a philosophy that determined much of our life evolves around our name. The concept seems absurd to think that, beyond the act of raising, our parents could dictate our life by simply branding us with a name. But, as I review my life, I can find some semblance of truth in this.

The base definition of my name is Hebrew for beloved. I was named the shortened version and thus no exact definition exists for it. So, in essence, I am derived from beloved. But this is not the form of the philosophy that I am basing my analysis upon.

My mother wished for me to have the name Elvis Cheyenne. My father stepped in and denied the name. I got lucky and therein is where I base my claims.

A review of my life shows many instances of imposing dread and catastrophe, but I always manage to get lucky and avoid or avert the worst of circumstances.

They say that it is better to be lucky than good.

*         *         *

_Deitrich sensed Karen studying him and that was enough to break him from his memories of the creation of his blade dance technique. Yet his thoughts remained on the orphanage. Something there pulled at his psyche. Faces began to appear before his minds eye and he could put a name to each of them. Yet none were able to appease his search.

_In an effort to glean some sort of kinesthetic recollection, Deitrich began to trace the faces in the black sand. Not long after tracing one persons face would the sand settle upon itself to create a smooth surface. Only the most basic of outlines and feature could be achieved before the sand cleaned the slate and provided him yet another attempt.

_Deitrich shifted himself into a kneeling position and he started using both his hands to draw. Right hand would trace observed details and the left soul-hand would filling in the gaps with more exacting details and impressions. He began to chant their names as each image was completed and started to form connections to each other. His pace quickened, allowing him to complete an image, label it, and progress to that persons connection all before the sand settled at it's normal pace.

_Each person he could link back to himself only as an acquaintance or just someone he had seen at the orphanage. Not one had a direct connection back to himself and all of them seemed to be leaving a gap in their social web. This realisation caused Deitrich to pause and caused Karen to lean closer in observation.

_Deitrich stood up and walked towards the edge of the dark sea. He ignored Karen as would a lab rat navigating the maze for it's cheesy goal would a scientist. He looked again on his reflection and traced his features with his hand. He knelt down close to the surface and studied the details of his reflected ethnicity. He took note of the primarily Caucasian features with the touch of American cultural mixing in subtle details of bone structure.

_He spun around on his haunches to return to the sandy canvas. He frantically drew the outline of the right side of his face and filled in the details as with the others images. Then, as if possessed, his hands began to draw the left side of his face, yet the details bared no resemblance to his right. He memorised the details before the sand settled itself again and became haunted by it. He drew the image from memory and omitted the right half.

_The image he created resembled something very skeletal and bony. But subtle details were missing. There was no mouth and no nose. Just a bony forehead, cheekbones, and solid mandible plate. A dark circle was placed in the middle of the forehead and a line was traced down to were the tip of were his nose would be. A line was drawn upward from the left side of the mandible to the left eye socket. The line continued from the top of the eye socket to the top of the forehead. The left eye was created in something that would elude to the fact that it was colored lightly while the right looked normal. With the image created, Deitrich collapsed onto his back and a name escaped his mind, "Venge."

Poignant Taken

Dredging up memories is dangerous business.

It is recommended to do so with a guide. Someone who can return you to the present and provide some... well, guidance. Those with the means will take to doing so with a psychologist or psychiatrist if they prefer to medicate. The rest of us may find solace in friendships or companions.

The artist attempts to do so alone and with the childlike abandon of discovering their first insect. While the experience may provoke many confusing and conflicting emotions, the act itself is a whole of the experiment. It must be done for the sake of being done. Discovery.

In the case of memories, it becomes a second chance to experience it for the first time. Rediscovery.

Same can be said of the emotions involved in the event. And this is where the artist gains their 'material' for creating.

And, just as an art student can be found hauling their art supplies from one class to the next, so too do the rest of us. To the artist, they are supplies; to the rest of us, baggage.

*         *         *

_Deitrich dropped his gaze down to the black sand between his feet. He attempted to close his eyes to internalise his thoughts but found that he still peered out from his left 'soul eye'. The appearance of the landscape before him changed. No longer was it a cavern of deaths crossing. It became more 'real', more vivid. Deitrich could sense that he was more in tune with his other half.

_Everything he inspected within the cavern surfaced memories. But the details were overwhelming, chaotic, and threatened to overload his psyche. Unable to close his eye to stop the transmission of information, he attempted to shield it with his hand. And there, on the back of his left soul hand, his memories focused.

_He recalled some sort of martial training from his youth. He remembered how the kids in the orphanage were taught self defense and discipline. He recalled how his instructor taught him to think of his hands as both weapons, shields, and tools. Deitrich remembered how he would fascinate at the complexity that was achieved in the human body. He remembered many hours daydreaming into the back of this hand and imagining the possibilities. He thought back to how, after learning basic kendo skills, he would imagine his own form martial training. One that would embody that basic principle of weapon/shield/tool. He recalled creating specialise wooden weapons that he would strap to his arms; one for each. He had to hide them from the other orphans and orphanage staff for fear of them being confiscated. Deitrich pondered as to their present location. Unable to centralise the sensation, he just knew that he wished to be reconnected to them.

_Karen attempted to look uninterested and bored but Deitrich's gaze into his hand had her curious. She has seen many things pass through this cavern. Witness a strong few walk back across the distant shores. And while she has witnessed several souls appear in Deitrich's same condition, never have they lingered long enough to inspect themselves. She reestablished her connection to Deitrich's mind to gather some incite to what he was experiencing. Karma, my dear, you have chosen a very special person after all, haven't you?

Savior Self

I keep looking for someone to dig me out of this grave.

Someone who would lift me up, dust me off, and show me the wondrous park I was lying in.

I got tired of waiting and started to pull the dirt in on myself; accepting the only fate I thought I had in store.

"Water on a duck's back" they used to say about me. "Not much seems to get you down. It all just kind of rolls off"

How fitting the duck analogy is. Except I would agree more with the other one. "Duck floating on water. So calm on the surface, while underneath you find feet frantically paddling to keep afloat"

I've dug my grave.

I've laid in it.

I was buried up to my neck.

There are no more knights come to save you.

You have to save yourself.

*         *         *

_"Expecting someone else, were you, Deit?"

_"Yes... No... I... I'm not sure," Deitrick thought to her.
_Charon arches and eyebrow and looks at him, quizzically, "Who better to carry you across this sea than the Ferryman?"

_Who indeed? Just who was I expecting? As much as her words pull at my soul I have an... understanding that it is wrong. Interesting. I know what emotions are and also know that I do not have any. Deitrick's thoughts begin to trail off in various tangents; Jumping from one concept to the next.

So caught up in his own thoughts was he that he did not notice Charon snap her fingers nor her hand waving in front of his face. He paid no mind to any of Charon's attempts to get his attention.

_"Deitrick!" her words speared his soul and spun him around. He met her determined glare with one of his own.

_"Camellia" he calmly thinks to Charon who seems shocked by it, "That is who I expect here. But I don't know why. Why does every thought, every reasoning, every conclusion yield that name?"

_He turns and peers into the dark sea, blankly scanning the city below.

_"Every time my mind settles on that name, I find myself being drawn to something that isn't there," his focus shifts to the reflection cast onto the surface of the 'water', "I find it pulling at my heart."

His focus clarifies at the same instant that his fist goes to settle on his chest. Simultaneously he notices that he is only casting half of his reflection and that there is no chest over where his heart should be. Reflected in the darkness of sea is the right half of a naked man and on the left is a silhouette eclipsing some sort of brightness.

_He quickly brings his hands up before his face and notices the same. Naked right hand. Silhouette eclipsing brightness left hand.

_He turns and looks past his hands, "What is the meaning of this, Charon?"

_Charon sighs in resignation, "I can tell we are not going to get very far," She grabs her lantern-hung steering pole from the sand and begins to board her ferry, "I told you already, Mr. Devos, you are just half the man."

_Deitrick reaches for the ferryboat with his left hand, becomes disturbed by the sight of it, and collapses into the sand. He looks up towards Charon, "How did this happen?"

_Charon seats herself on one of the boat's benches, "How about you tell me? What do you remember? Think back further than this place."

Liability

Here I write.

Not because I have found some insight.

Nor have I found any addition of time.

I write because I must be liable for my failings. I write because thoughts consume my mind with not an outlet. I write because some questions still linger. Questions that which I have avoided. I am preparing for the worst outcome later this morning.

Consider this all that resembles a deathbed confession.

Am I dying or something to that effect? Not at all. I am merely to stand before my accusers and accept my punishment. What has happened and who really gives a damn?

I can answer the first.

Some time in August (I think) I was pulled over by a policeman. He had felt the need to let me know that a bolt had come loose from my license plate and it was now hanging. He stated that it could be a danger and suggested that I take care of it. As is customary, he requested my drivers license, vehicle registration and proof of insurance. I handed him my license, dug for my registration and handed it to him. I then stated, quite plainly "I do not have insurance". He thanked me for my honesty and inquired as to why not. I replied that it was not within my finances. Of which he replied that, besides it being required by law, I could not afford NOT to have it. As evident by the ticket/fine.

I paid my ticket and fines whereas I was informed that I must get even more expensive insurance or else my drivers license would be revoked. I shook my head in disbelief and took my chances. If I was not able to afford it before, I definitely was not able to afford it now. But I couldn't afford not to have it.

October: a vehicle sped up behind me at night while driving up to Kuna to look at a house for rent. I am a careful driver. I only drive the speed limit. I was in the right-hand lane and became nervous of the car behind me. The road I was to turn off at had a red light. There was a truck in front of me and the car behind had broadened the gap between us and put me a little more at ease. As I gradually slowed to stop at the red light the car behind me came rushing in and was hard on the brakes. The truck in front of me veered to the right for the turn it was going to make, as did I. I was very nervous about the guy behind me and was anxious to get out of his way. Upon completing the turn, the car behind me turned on his police lights. I pulled over as soon as the narrow road allowed and cursed at myself. As I began mentally abusing myself and my stupidity I became confused. What had I done wrong? My driving was textbook.

The policeman let me know that I had crossed over a white line on the right side of the road to make my turn... I was speechless and chose to remain so. The cop stated that he noticed the truck in front of me do the same... but I was the guy in back. I was defeated. I didn't put up a fight. It would not have served me well. As is customary: license, registration, insurance. I had gotten them ready as I waited for him to approach my car and presented them. Again I stated that I did not have insurance. Again the policeman appreciated my honesty. After reviewing my information back in his cruiser he returned. He stated that it was typical to take me to jail for driving without permissions. He restated his value of honesty and let me go. He presented me with arrangements to set a court date, confiscated my license and informed me that I could not drive home.

I failed to make those arrangements. I feared spending time in jail and missing work. Missing another day of work would have led to me being fired.

March I was returning from work and stopped at a convenient store. The store was just a few blocks from home of which involved me driving a block and changing lanes and turning. I turned into the nearest lane as is required, set the blinker to change lanes, changed lanes-turned off blinker. I then turned on the blinker yet again to signal entering into the turn lane, then entered it. I paused and turned down the street towards where I am staying. Nearly a block down the street a police car appears behind me and turns on it's lights. Again I cursed myself, for I knew I was going to jail. And again I was confused by what I had done wrong. The officer (seemed kind of new at the job) stated that I failed to make a complete stop exiting the convenient store. I tried to recall if I had in fact not done so and could not. It was such a trivial matter as it was 12:30 a.m. and there were no cars on the road. But the law is the law. The customary inquiry into license and all that and I was ready. I said to him that he would most likely have to take me to jail and I did not have a license nor insurance. I presented my registration as if that single piece of documentation would save me. I recited my drivers license number from memory and provided all information inquired. I assisted the cop in locating items not easily reached within my trench coat and on my person. I was placed in the cop car and sat with myself and my doomed fate. The cops asked if I wanted my car left where it was or if I wanted it towed. I professed my faith in the neighborhood and they asked if I wanted my bag with my drawing materials put into my trunk since I was so cooperative. I agreed.

After locking my vehicle some items were left on the trunk and the policemen were having a tough time unlocking my touchy locks. I offered to unlock it myself and they stated that they could not let me out of the cuffs. I offered to remain in cuffs and attempt it from the side and they agreed.

I know I broke the law. All because I refused to pay a company for a service that I have not required, except by law. In fact the only time I had insurance coverage were the only time I got into accidents. At most I would have had about $100 in fines for all these incidents if I had insurance. At which point I would have a higher insurance rate.

It is a broken system that will, in turn, break me.

Wight Knight

I used to think I had a hero complex, but discovered that it was more of a white knight syndrome. This is the primary reason that I do not seek the affections of another. Despite the seemingly overbearing desire of human companionship is the recognition that I need to save myself first.

It is my hope that Venge will be able to conquer this long before I do. Or possibly as I do. I have left some room to provide him with that opportunity (can't say the same for myself).

One thing I have not been able to conquer and that has been incorporated throughout the story is this sense of goddess worship or 'putting the p*ssy on a pedestal'. I do not shy away from having strong women characters and never have.

I apologize for the couple days delay on writing. To myself and my readers. Too much time wasted on clever or insightful 'forewards' leave me little time to continue the story. Personal goal: write more; think less... or maybe just to get down to business sooner and without so much ado.

Weak End

You would think that my weekend off of work would afford me greater freedom to complete personal tasks. Well it does. Unfortunately, writing and drawing end up being lower on the list than I would like. Instant gratification ends up becoming the priority. I am still so irresponsible.

I revised some notes. I even dropped the 'mature content' warning when opening this site (as it has yet to veer into any rated R content).

I find myself wanting miracles without wanting to pray for them. I find myself charming people accidentally then actively turning them away. I desire companionship, but refuse to seek it. I will charm you but refuse to acknowledge your feelings on the subject.

I could make a list of good and bad qualities in myself. Even though the bad side would be sorter, the weight I place on them are much greater. I am my own worst critic.

I am not worthy. Period.

Hm, rereading the above statements has me concerned. Might be best, in the future, if I don't write shortly after dealing with my exes. Oh well. It shall remain as proof that I actually did write today... kind of.

Nigh Expectations

Was only able to write briefly, yesterday. I found that, while closing my eyes to visualise the next part of the story, I had nodded off. Then today, I was to busy completing social obligations to make it back to writing. I am hoping for some better opportunities tomorrow.

Wrest Assured

By the way. This is the rough draft. I have found a handful of errors in both previous posts I do not foresee this being any different.

That being said, critique. Be brutal. But over all, be honest and constructive.

I have no muse. I have no mentor. I have no hero.

* * *

"Expecting someone else, where you then, Deit?" Karen enticed.